Darkness to Hope: A Journey with Schizophrenia and Panic Attacks
Listen to the latest episode here
Tammy was a middle-aged mother, living what appeared to be a normal life, when her world suddenly changed. At 42, she began experiencing severe symptoms that disrupted her daily routine and strained her relationships. What started as stress from work and family life escalated into episodes of schizophrenia and debilitating panic attacks. Her story is one of resilience, discovery, and hope.
In the beginning, Tammy had no idea what was happening to her. Her thoughts turned dark, and she believed people were trying to harm her and her family. These thoughts were sporadic and illogical, leaving her in a state of confusion and fear. Her family eventually took her to the hospital, where she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and admitted for observation. However, Tammy struggled to accept her diagnosis, believing that her resistance to medication was directed by God.
"I refused the medication," she recalls, "and in my state of mind, I thought God didn’t want me to take it."
But after weeks in the hospital and finally being transferred to a state hospital under court order, she began taking her prescribed medication. Slowly, she felt a shift. "I started to feel like myself again. Looking back, I know it was the medication that helped me."
Just as Tammy was adjusting to life with schizophrenia, she faced a new challenge. One night, while in the hospital, she experienced intense fear, sweating, and a racing heart—symptoms unlike anything she'd felt before. These episodes, which her psychiatrist later identified as panic attacks, began occurring frequently and without warning.
"I would have panic attacks two or three times a week, lasting for hours," Tammy says. "The attacks came from things like stress, darkness, or even thinking about the attacks themselves."
Medication like diazepam helped, but Tammy also sought natural alternatives. She discovered lavender supplements, clinically studied and available over the counter, which provided her with a sense of calm similar to her prescribed medication.
Over the years, Tammy developed a set of coping strategies. She tried drawing, listening to music, breathing exercises, and even watching classic comedies like The Dick Van Dyke Show, which brought her joy and relief.
Although she still has panic attacks, they’ve become less frequent and predictable. Now they occur roughly every five days, mostly at night, and she’s learned how to manage them. Knowledge has been her anchor through these storms. "Reading about my condition helped me understand what I was going through," she shares. "Knowledge is power."
Tammy’s journey is one of resilience, growth, and acceptance. She hopes to spread awareness about schizophrenia and the impact it has on those who live with it. "People need to understand that those with schizophrenia are not in control of their thoughts. I hope for understanding and empathy from others."
Now, Tammy encourages anyone experiencing mental health struggles to seek professional help, find the right treatment, and give medication a chance.
“Doctors and caregivers have treated me with respect and dignity. I’m grateful for all those who helped me along the way," she reflects. "One can overcome mental illness and live a fulfilling life, especially with the right support."
Tammy's story is a reminder that with patience, understanding, and the right resources, individuals can manage mental health challenges and live meaningful lives. Her hope is that others find comfort and empowerment in her journey and that society continues to grow in its understanding and acceptance of mental health.
